Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
