So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
