? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
