I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im drinking this country out of the recession.
You can't special order awesome
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
