remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Randomize
