hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize