please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
