Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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