I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
