Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Alive.
So much puke
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize