update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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