The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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