Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize