Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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