I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The air was thick with penises
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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