Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
