My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
