He is an equal opportunity slut.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
