I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
