We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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