remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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