whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I faked an abortion last night.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize