I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
