Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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