so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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