dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I think a kid would responsible me up
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
