I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
