ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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