She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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