well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
