So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
