The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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