Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize