It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
