i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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