Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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