tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
