Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
