Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
