omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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