I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize