you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
