the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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