Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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