I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
