I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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