What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize