i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
