just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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