she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Help me help you realize you are a moron
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
