It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Boobs speak an international language.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
