Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
