He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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