Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
