Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
