Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
