tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
