I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
