Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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