I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
