Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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