I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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