I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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